Stress & Anger

How do stress and anger affect the communication in conflict resolution situations?

According to Managing Conflict Through Communication, “while conflict, does include the words, stress and anger, most of us associate them with interpersonal conflict” (p.196). Walker and Brokaw define stress as something that “arises when the perceived demands of a situation exceed the perceived capacities for meeting demands”; we would add that stress also occurs when we fear that the demands on us might exceed our capacities, even when we have not been given a reason to fear (p.197). Managing stress once it occurs can also head off the escalation of conflicts that occur because of it (p.204). I know for myself, when I get stressed out, which lately seems like everyday, I have to get outside and run. I don’t know what it is about running, but after a couple of miles and a cold shower, I feel like I can think rationally and then deal with the stress. When we are stressed, it is more difficult to practice good communication skills. Empathy is a difficult skill to acquire. It is hard to hear another person out and want to respond to them. Keeping stress at an optimal level is a way of ensuring competence in communication situations (p.204). Anger is a strong feeling of displeasure, a synonym for antagonism and rage. It is often an emotional response to a conflict situation that disrupts a calm state (p.205). Because we experience anger, it is important to understand what anger is and how to manage it. How we deal with our anger depends on our mental processes, our physical responses, and our verbal responses (p.205). I found it humorous that on page 208 it says that “when we find ourselves in a situation where you are becoming angry, there are three sets of specific techniques that have proven useful for many people: Take time out, relaxation exercises, and self talk.” The reason that I saw this humorous is because over the years I have given myself many timeouts in order to compose myself to deal with the conflict, in addition, I talk to myself all the time, either “If I get my hands on him / her” or “Calm Down, it isn’t that bad” in all actuality, don’t we all or haven’t some of us used one if not all of these techniques at some point in our lives to cool off in order to think rationally, so one can express their anger effectively, in order for resolution?

Are stress and anger necessary in conflict resolution, or are they solely impediments to solving problems?

According to Hocker and Wilmot, anger is a secondary emotion based on “frustration of unmet needs or thwarted desires” (p.210). Clearly, we feel both when we experience a conflict. Almost as frequently, though, we experience a conflict because of the stress and anger we are experiencing in our lives (p.211). Most importantly, though, both stress and anger are avoidable. However, we can control them. We can learn to rid ourselves of thoughts that contribute to stress and to manage other sources of stress as they rise. We can learn to express anger constructively. We can learn how to better manage our conflicts by first learning how to manage our stress and anger (p.212).

What affect have stress and anger played in your professional conflict resolutions experiences?

I would say stress has played a roll, due to the fact that there were more chiefs than we had Indians to speak of. I was a receptionist about twenty years ago, and you would have thought I was the personal secretary to every individual who sat behind a desk. I worked for a medical manufacturing company, so we had many departments, but it was upper management that literally drove me crazy. I felt like an octopus, I did not have enough hands, so what did they do to alleviate some of my stress, I received a new in the box “head set” now my hands were free to type invoices, stuff envelopes, write messages, to just name as few. After several months, I finally went to my supervisor, and we sat down discussed my job description, and to no surprise to my supervisor, there were many duties that I was doing that was not on my job description, and even though it was not one particular duty that stressed me out, it was just to many tasks to try and get done in an eight hour day, and do things correctly. The communication that I had conveyed to my supervisor was heard loud and clear and it was a positive experience. My work load was decreased, and when my evaluation came around, I received a raise and was promoted to accounts receivable. Then I was the accounts receivable clerk, accounts payable clerk, payroll administrator (we used ADP), human resource contact for all employees, and I relieved the new receptionist for her lunch and two breaks every day. Well, I really got a lot of experience in many fields and gained many new job titles along the way. I still found myself with more job titles than I ever wanted, and I thought wow, now what do I do, so after five years, I resigned. They wore me out! Although, I have met many people who have become friends for life.

Reference:
Cahn, D. D., & Abigail, R. A. (2007). Managing Conflict Through Communication(Third ed.). Boston, MA: Pearson Education, Inc.